Misplacement & Manna

Somewhere between all the goings and comings, in the spaces and plodding along, a seed is growing. Though autumn is in full bloom outside, inside of me there is this sprouting spring.

Being home instead of at college, being in a different school every day(substitute teaching), being in a big church, well, it can sometime feel a little like being lost. Displaced. Misplaced?

This isn't what I thought it would be. My life. I thought I would have a full time teaching position. I thought I would have made scads of friends at church by now. But it took two years to settle in at college—why would I expect this change to be slick and quick?

And why can't this slow be a good thing?

It is. 

As much as it drives me crazy sometimes—or makes me think I am crazy—there is something quietly lovely about here.

"redemption comes in strange places, 

small spaces
calling out the best of who we are
and I want to add to the beauty
to tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
that's burning up inside, oh..."
Sara Groves

Doesn't this change perspective? Instead of wishing, begging to be in a beautiful place—why not make the place we are more beautiful?

Here, there is humility to be learned, to be chosen, to be practiced. Adding to the beauty isn't about adding to our resumes, our followers, our likes. It often requires sacrifice—of time, of thought, of energy. And it begins small & strange. Two mushrooms in the forest. A brief text to be reminded I am not forgotten. A nice conversation with a new friend. A keeping track and counting of all that He gives.

A focus on noticing more than being noticed.

"Even among Christians — despite what we know in the depths of ourselves – there is great enthusiasm for being noticed, perhaps at the expense of the quiet acquisition of virtue." Jennifer Dukes Lee

These words pierce deep, and it begs the question—what is it I am after? While I walk the steps of each day, what am I chasing? (because we are always chasing something) Being noticed? Or the quiet acquisition of virtue? Because maybe this wilderness is for my good. Maybe where I am is no mistake, and I am not misplaced. Maybe sub jobs and unexpected reassurances, and His presence are my manna, coming day by day, so that I learn the habit of trust. Take a slow read through Exodus 16. Manna every morning because they looked for the source of life in their bread alone, and that way would only lead them to death. He responds, even to their grumbles, with grace.

I fail, but I learn to take my manna with a humble smile, and make the very most of that "what is it?" that comes in the quiet, the small, and the strange. In His ways that are mystery.
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Maybe I am the only one who likes quaint mushrooms on my desktop, but who knows? Click the image to download if so inspired!